Composting 101

Me sending my compost pile back to it's maker

Try as I may to be ecologically conscious, I cannot get my compost pile to work. It sits by the shed, about 100 ft. from by back door, glaring at me in all its shiny plastic glory.  It looks so strange sitting there, like a looming alien form, against the backdrop of weathered, Ceylon blue barn wood. It is dome-shaped, about three feet tall, with vertical vents on the sides. The twist-off lid, a parody of user-friendliness, is covered with a pile of snow, challenging me to a wrestling match, in what is sure to be a true test of strength, will-power, and my extensive vocabulary of curse words.


I thought composting was easy; throw food scraps in, and they’ll rot and turn to dirt. I guess I never contemplated the science behind this miracle. Sure, I read what to put in: old  fruit, vegetable peelings, egg shells, straw, and even brown, unbleached paper, as well as what to avoid ,like  bones and meat scraps. I have been following   these rules to a T, yet my scraps will not rot! Every time I manage to win my battle with the relentless lid, I stare in dismay at the food scraps, still in their food scrap forms, glaring back at me. I can’t help but feel like a complete failure; really, how hard is it to make shit rot?

The other day, my frustration got the best of me, and I (Gasp) threw a banana peel right into the garbage, without even a sideways glance at the little green  bowl I use to collect scraps intended for the compost pile. I got a peevish satisfaction imagining this peel going to the dump, and rotting away into a pile of mushy, moldy gunk. Take that compost pile! I’ll make things rot!  My dog, Toby, shot a hesitant glance at my outburst, and I quickly walked away from the garbage can, very glad that dogs do not easily pass judgment.

So, I guess I’ll have to do my research on composting. It is clearly not as easy as I thought, but I am not yet ready to admit defeat. For some reason I think earthworms are the answer. Where will I get earthworms at this time of year? God only knows, but I will not rest until my scraps have rotted.